Mar. 3rd, 2014

Y'know I have been bitching a lot here--it seems like the only times I write are when things are overwhelming. Which they are, as it turns out, but that's no call to be bitchy about it. :)

I took a look at things yesterday after my last post and it did seem like I was miserable. Was coming to Atlanta a mistake? am I miserable here? It's been a freakin' long time since I felt like I had any fun, for sure. I wouldn't say it was a mistake, because there were definitely issues in NM, so y'know, at least the food here is better and my nose doesn't bleed (as much--it's gotten relatively dry the last couple of days and my nose started running again, which has confirmed for me that my non-stop use of kleenex in NM was due to the dryness and not just a permanent problem from aging). I may have actually hit the limits of what I can physically/mentally do. Though as the hubby pointed out when I raised this need to take a break yesterday, it's only 'til I go up for tenure review and then it HAS to stop one way or the other. Which was what I needed to hear, because the thought that life was Now Like This was half the problem.

I don't think I'm miserable, but I do need to freakin' take a break. The work is not actually harder than it was before, but the house is still demanding, the finances are still demanding (omg taxes for 2013 will be *crazy*), we don't have all our doctors lined up yet--etc.--so when I'm home I'm being rewarded for either diving into a video game (escapism) or diving back into work (vicious cycle) rather than dealing with the mountain of little carping things that make life so messy. So that only strengthens the tendency to keep working, which increases the frustration over life in general, etc.

Yesterday was a case in point: I attacked a paper at 5 am, thinking it was supposed to be nearly done according to my co-authors, it'd be a treat to read it one last time and tell them to go ahead and submit it--and 3 hours later I'm still slogging away on it, because "nearly done" apparently means "don't have half our figures, still haven't finished one of the analyses, and have skipped a bunch of relevant citations--please help." SIGH. Once that was back out, I could turn my attention to the mid-term I'm giving today--which took another 2-3 hours to pull together, finishing the questions and getting it into two alternative forms, carefully randomized, answers in different orders but without screwing up the "all of the above" or "b&c only" options. I imagine I will get faster at that, but daaaaaammmn that took longer than I expected.

But by lunch time we had to get out of the house. Heaven knows we haven't seen *anything* in Atlanta yet, or at least I haven't, so we looked online at Castleberry Hill and East Atlanta to see what was there, and ended up heading over to East Atlanta Village to putter around.

We were there, had a cup of coffee, poked around in the local bookstore, did an impulse buy at some bizarre side store, and headed home. It was a beautiful afternoon and fun to get out and see things. That made a huge difference. I felt so much better!

I mean, once we were home I sliced my thumb on the ceramic knives I'd bought, which kind of messed up the evening; but still, it was good to have a break, do something new, and not have to worry about checking things off the eternally-growing lists. :) I need to make a point of doing that on the weekends.

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jaipur

August 2015

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