[personal profile] jaipur
I have to admit to having mixed feelings about reunion. I do want to see people, but I am also aware that a lot of the people who will be there will be nothing like me, doing things I don't do. I have memories of past reunions of feeling very awkwardly out of place, at least around the SWIL and later years' Psi Phi people. I have never enjoyed the Saturday cook-out--the few times I went, I felt like a ghost on the edges of someone else's party. I have never played Settlers of Cataan and that's not my thing; I used to play Kremlin and Skitgubbe and that's about as complex as I get. I feel stupid not being able to play these strategy games, I don't know the more recent years' people. I didn't do the SWIL vacations, I don't have kids who play with other people's kids.

The reunion in some ways highlights the loss of social connections, given how tightly bonded I was with the old gang in college. And that is saddening (why did I ever think I fit in?). But dude, I really don't game, and that's been the thread that forms the social network glue for so many of these get-togethers over the past 25 years. My choice, and I chose a different path. I just pay for it occasionally.

(Part of the angst about reunion is it also highlights the life I've led and how incredibly boring I think I am to other people because I am monomaniacal about work, mostly, so I feel like I'm coming up short in the "how is your life going" department. Everyone else has things to talk about besides work, and I really don't. I'm happy that way generally speaking because I find work to be incredibly fulfilling, but getting together with the old college crowd always makes me feel like I was supposed to Do Better. What have I done for social justice causes lately? Why am I not balancing a deep passion for recycling or something that makes the world a better place along with my work? or at least why am I still eating meat? I'm such a consumer! I'm so disappointingly mainstream! It's silly but there it is. College reunion is the one place where I explicitly feel like I'm not keeping up with the Joneses, even though it is on a moral level instead of a physical one. ;)

On the other hand, reunion is at this point a cool mix of people I kind of keep up with from LJ and FB, and people I haven't seen in YEARS and have been wondering how they were doing. :) So I don't know what I am worried about, really. I'm taking the hubby so he can see the campus and some of my friends, and that also will keep it low-key.
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jaipur

August 2015

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